I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
