It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
