my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have already put on my inside pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
