ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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