why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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