Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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