i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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