can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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