I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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