remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He passed out mid-signature
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
