i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
