2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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