Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
