dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
