i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
