I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
