So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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