i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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