im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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