So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
