At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
