You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My feet surprised me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
