when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
