Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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