the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She needs sedatives and a leash
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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