You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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