I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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