Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
