well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
