I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
