I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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