...so i touched it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
do herpes really smell.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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