i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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