I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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