Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
