I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
