So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
