Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
