Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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