Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
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Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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