By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
