I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
