i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
