I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
