My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
