I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
why is half of my head shaved?
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