I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
