somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
