Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
