all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
