I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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