I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
