Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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