Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
